Anyone in the mood for short jokes

A mother has a simple question for her son. She has seen three abbreviations and wants to know what they mean. Rather than guessing, she reaches for her phone and sends him a message: “What does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?” It seems like the sort of question he should be able to answer quickly. He knows the abbreviations, so he writes back with the translations in the same order: “I don’t know, love you, and talk to you later.”

His mother reads the message, but she does not read it as a list of definitions. She thinks he has admitted that he does not know the answer. She also thinks he is ending the conversation affectionately. There is no reason to bother him again when she can ask someone else. She replies, “It’s okay, don’t worry. I’ll ask your sister. Love you too.” He has translated everything correctly—and explained absolutely nothing. His answer contains every piece of information she wanted, but she is already preparing to send the question to another member of the family.

In another household, a father is taking care of bedtime. He settles down to tell his son stories, expecting that the familiar routine will eventually send the boy to sleep. One story gives way to another. The room becomes quieter, but the storytelling continues. After two hours, his wife approaches carefully. She does not want to undo all that patient work by making too much noise or speaking too loudly at the door.

She pauses beside the quiet room and lowers her voice. “Is he asleep, dear?” she whispers. At last, it seems, someone has drifted off. Then an answer comes from the person she least expects: “Yes, Mommy,” says their very awake son. The father has completed a long evening of storytelling, and the child is still alert enough to explain exactly how successful it has been. The room is quiet because the storyteller is the one who has fallen asleep.

Elsewhere, a mother is dealing with a much less peaceful surprise. Her boy needs a tooth removed, and she expects the extraction to cost $20. That is the price she has been given, so she is not prepared when the bill turns out to be $100. The difference is large enough that she asks the dentist to explain it. The extraction itself has not suddenly become five times more complicated. The problem, he tells her, is the audience.

Her son yelled so loudly during the visit that four other patients fled the office. The mother came expecting to pay for one missing tooth; the dentist is also accounting for the patients who disappeared before their appointments. The boy has had his tooth removed, but his performance has cleared more than the treatment chair.

Finally, a man proudly shows his friend a hearing aid that cost $3,000. He declares that it is the best one he has ever owned. His friend listens to the enthusiastic recommendation and asks an ordinary follow-up question: “What kind is it?” The owner of the expensive device answers immediately and with complete confidence: “Half past four!” The hearing aid has inspired a glowing recommendation, even if its wearer has not quite heard the question.